The Means

Posted by Craig Bryant in Pax's Process on January 22nd, 2010 | no responses

It has been a while since my last confession.

The elusive payers finally came around. Turns out they were on holiday. The nerve!

Work has continued to be constant. We are close to the end of January. This leaves me with a month before we leave. So my attention has inevitably stayed on the topic of money. Raising the amount that I need to buy my portable gear, cover my travel and food costs, and leave enough to pay mortgage and bills here at home….is going to be a challenge. The tough thing is that I don’t feel as though I have much control over what work comes in. All I can do is take what comes and turn it over as fast as possible.

My wife on the other hand, has been dished up with more work than she can handle. On top of all the prep she needs to do for the lecture series in the USA, she has taken on additional teaching positions .
So we are both feeling a little anxious at present for our own reasons.

The project I am working on at present is a new musical. It is with a long time client whom I have developed a good rapor and working relationship with. It is a good way for me to start the transition back to composer.
The last few days have been slow going because I have had to flex my creative muscle. Ouch! I’m sore all over.

I hope that inspiration darkens my door again soon. I’ve heard people say that artists have their day, that inspiration eventually dies in us. I don’t really think this is true in all people. I hope it is not the case with me.

Mez Coleman, a friend and fellow artist recently sent me her new album to listen to and offer feedback. It was great timing considering my current project. It was exciting to hear her songs. She is a talented singer but I didnt realise she was also a great writer. Her album was so personal, so honest, so fresh and so her, that I could not help but love it. I look forward to sending her my comments. It has reminded me what it feels like to be passionately immersed in a creative process. I look forward to being in that place where there are no more questions, no more options to consider. Every note and every sound already exists in my mind and I need only produce it. The music is not being mentally screened to appease some unknown person out there in the world. It is EXACTLY what I intended and what I want to present.

I called this post “The Means” because I have been worried about money. But as it turns out it also describes the inspiration I need to have to achieve this. It’s time to get into this mode regardless of money, work, and health distractions.
PAX

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